Sunday, 19 Aug 2018

How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Ego –

if you want to become successful with women

Some guys want to get good with women for egotistical reasons. They want their friends to be impressed, they want to show off a trophy girlfriend, they want to prove to their parents that they “made it”, etc. I think that this sends you backwards, and further away from the real lesson of self-acceptance. You need to unhook ego attachments in order to find your own personal satisfaction. You want to grow for you, not to look cool to others, because forever seeking the approval of others will not be satisfying in the long run – it’s a game that you can’t win. If you want to become successful with women, don’t put your value into the hands of others. Caring too much about what people think of you is a clear sign that your self esteem is low. You need the validation of people around you to feel good about yourself. It’s about giving a shit what people think about you – you’re human after all, so you always will – but not so much that it starts to direct your life. I have an in-depth video on this very topic on my YouTube channel that you should check out. I really believe that some ego is great. It’s healthy, it makes you strive and compete, it makes you work hard. I myself have a very ‘healthy’ (shall we say) ego. But if your ego morphs into you wanting to do things just to impress others, or to find identity because you don’t know who you are, or to be liked by others because you don’t like yourself, then it’ll absolutely hold you back in the long-run. It might be enough to get you started, but it won’t keep you going. Also, you’ll eventually realize that people don’t like you for what you have, they like you for who you are.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 1
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Liking & Accepting Yourself – 

if you want to become successful with women

It’s cliché I know, but learning to actually like yourself and to accept yourself as you are, brings the ultimate success. That’s when everything starts to shift. I believe that a lot of guys get into picking up women to as a replacement for this. Learning to really like and accept yourself does take practice however. We live in a world where we define people by their grades, their jobs, how many Instagram followers they have (follow me on Instagram by the way, haha), and we compare ourselves with others all the time (or some bullshit notion of who we should be). Also, it’s not seen as a good thing to really like yourself. I remember when I was a kid, “You love yourself” was an insult in the playground. So as adults, this is a practice where you may need to stop thinking that goals, change, achievements, etc. will fix you, and learn to accept all parts of yourself and your life as they are now. Many people think that if you just accept yourself completely, then you won’t grow and improve. I disagree. I think that you can learn to accept yourself more as you are, and to like your life more as it is, while also working to improve yourself. They’re not mutually exclusive. It’s just valuing who you are and where you’re at, while at the same time moving towards more. When you accept yourself and your life more – even the shit parts – then you’ll no longer desperately need anything. And desperation stinks in the dating world. When you need less, you ironically get more.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 2
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Living Your Own Life – 

if you want to become successful with women

What do you want out of life? Not what your parents want, not what your friends think is cool, not what you feel you should be doing – what do YOU want? Working on what you really want in life will really carry over to success with women. You’ll radiate enthusiasm. By living more of the life that you want, you’ll be more motivated, you’ll inspire others, and you’ll be a leader to those around you. That or they’ll drop off. Yes, you’ll likely lose some friends on this path because not everyone wants to see you change and grow. You’ll likely see an evolution of friends once you undertake any path of personal development. Change can stir up resistance from some people around you, and others will just drop off. Expect it, but don’t let it stop you. So how much are you living your life? How much are you doing what you want, rather than living a life to please other people?

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 3
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Understanding The Mind/Reality Connection – 

if you want to become successful with women

I think that we’ve lost touch with our ability to influence and create our lives. I’m not going to go into a deep woo-woo spiritual rant here, but our minds are obviously amazingly powerful, and if you aren’t using it to help create the life that you want, you’re crazy. If you’re not seeing your goals in your mind, conditioning your mind, that little bit more each day, I think you’re missing out. I believe that how you are on the inside, is how you are on the outside, and I see a lot of guys out chasing women and wanting to be great in dating, but getting nowhere because they never address their thinking (or “inner game”). They never look inside at the engine driving the machine – their beliefs, their perspectives, their emotional drivers – and they’re unaware of how these are influencing their outcomes often more than behaviors (i.e. approaching). They live their lives thinking that they are just the victims of circumstance, or get annoying thinking that they’re owed their due, and not realizing that it’s actually them and their outlook that are creating and shaping their circumstances.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 4
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Valuing The Journey – 

if you want to become successful with women

‘Outcome dependence’ is when you need results so badly that you miss the lessons that are right in front of you. This is a common problem among guys learning to be good with womenThey want to get laid now, phone numbers now, dates now, and that’s all that they focus on. This path will teach you an abundance of things about people, life, society and yourself, and this is what will really help you in the long-run. The knowledge that you gain and the lessons that you go through are all what will create an amazing life and an amazing mindset for you – not just a girl. And as I mentioned in the last point, it’s your mindset that’s dictating your outcomes. So if you just met a girlfriend immediately at the start of your journey, on one hand that’s great. But on another hand, how much would you have grown, compared to if you met her after one year of growth and lessons? So enjoy the journey. If you want to become successful with women, be patient and pay attention to who you’re becoming in the process. Pay attention to what you’re learning, not just what you’re getting (or not getting). Obviously, this applies to so many other areas of life also – just let things unfold in their own time, and appreciate the process.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 5
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Like Attracts Like – 

if you want to become successful with women

Who you attract is determined a lot by who you are. We attract people that are similar ourselves. So rather than blaming women, saying that they’re this or that, or that they only want this or that, take a look in the mirror. If you’re constantly negative, or your life is chaotic, or you’re always a victim, or you’re weak emotionally – it’s this that’s attracting those women. Who you’re attracting into your life is because of you. Every day men out there are meeting and dating great women. Other people out there are getting exactly what they want. It’s not the environment, it’s not women, it’s not society, it’s you. If you want to become successful with women, grow and improve yourself (and your mindset), and the women, people and situations that you attract will change also.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 6
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Desperation – 

if you want to become successful with women

When people say things like “Stop looking for a girl. When the time’s right, it’ll happen” – what they actually mean is “Stop being so desperate”. Don’t run around desperately needing a woman. Don’t desperately need to be successful with women in next week. There’s a huge difference between wanting and needing. No-one likes a desperate guy. To women, a desperate guy is like a fart in an elevator – it’s suffocating, nauseating and makes them want to pry open the door for an immediate getaway. Being desperate or “needing this to work” is a clear indicator that you’re not coming from a good place. There’s something inside of you that you’re trying to outrun, and you’re needing someone else (or something else) to feel good about yourself. Yes, you can go out to approach women and improve your abilities, without desperately needing it.

How to Become Successful with Women - photo 7
How to Become Successful with Women

How to Become Successful with Women

Some of the hardest guys to coach are the guys that keep asking if “it” is working yet, or when they will be awesome at it. “Don’t go looking for it, it will come when the time is right” – on one hand I think that this is cliché bullshit that gives people the perfect excuse to not do anything. But on the other hand, it does have some merit. It’s about balance. Don’t go desperately looking for a woman or a relationship. If you want to become successful with women, don’t try so hard or want to be amazing in a week. It’s all like approaching a cat –walk slowly towards it. If you bolt at it, it will continue to evade you.

«Approach: The Ultimate Guide To Meeting Women & Developing Confidence In Dating»

Chris Manak

 

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