Ten Commandments for a Happy Marriage
“A happy marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person…”
After decades of self-help books, talk show psychologists, and imposed gender studies in school, it’s amazing so many men still flub marriages. In my experience, a happy marriage boils down to “a happy wife, a happy life.” This comes from following a handful of basic rules:
- Make sure she knows you appreciate and value her. If you want to have a happy marriage, frequently tell her you love her and say very clearly that you appreciate her. The words, not just the actions, are important to her sense of self-worth. She must know that she’s the only one for you and no one, not your mother or anyone else, is more important to you than her. Show your love in countless ways. Cuddle or nuzzle her neck while she’s still in bed before you leave for work. Massage her neck, run your fingers through her hair, or hold her hand while you’re driving or any other time when you’re together. Hug her and kiss her whenever you get home. Surprise her with gifts even if there is no special occasion. The ways are infinite. A happy marriage=care and attention.
A happy marriage
- Be fun. If you dream about a happy marriage, be the man she fell in love with. She was attracted to you for a reason: go back to that and make her feel good about marrying you.
- Let her know how attracted you are to her. Put the book down and look at her with lust when she walks by. Repeatedly tell her that you think she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. Touch her as much as she’s comfortable with, both sexually and not. Whisper how much you want her. A happy marriage=hot sex.
- Step up and help her out. The sexiest things a man can say to his woman is: “I’ve got this.” If you want to have a happy marriage and be happy, do the hard and dirty jobs like cleaning the bathrooms or taking out the trash. Do the time-consuming chauffeur duty for the kids. Fix things that need repair. Lightening her burden works wonders, not just because you show your love by making her life easier, but also due to her having more energy at the end of the day.
A happy marriage
“A happy marriage doesn’t mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.”
- Never belittle her. Physical, mental, and verbal abuse toward the person you supposedly love is unacceptable. Even projecting an attitude or body language that makes her feel she can’t do something right and you need to do it over “the right way” can be devastating to her ego and self-esteem, making her feel stupid. Would you rather be right, or be a thoughtful and caring partner? If you want to create a happy marriage, learn to apologize and ask forgiveness and stop being a know-it-all. Face facts: no matter how smart and witty you think you are, she is always smarter than you in some ways. Arrogance will result in you ending up alone, bitter, and hated. A happy marriage=trust.
- Don’t play mind games. Manipulations always backfire in the end, and such behavior engenders intense hatred and hurt. Always be truthful and considerate and then you will be able to create a wonderful, happy marriage.
- Give her some down time. Just like you do, she sometimes needs to get away from the kids, responsibility, and stress to avoid going insane. If your goal is to create a happy marriage, then let her get away and pamper herself: spas, manicures, pedicures, and massages do wonders to recharge her batteries. Encourage her to spend time with her friends and take time for hobbies she loves. Of course, some of this downtime can be spent with you! Go out on dates at least every other week, and vary what you do. Go out to dinner. Watch a movie. Go to the park. Lounge on the beach. Go dancing. Drive around. It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you do it together. If you want a happy marriage and relationship, you should do a lot of different things together and have at least a few common interests.
A happy marriage
- Make her feel needed and valuable. Many men erroneously think they must put a woman on a pedestal and worship the ground she walks on; give her everything she wishes and do everything in their power to please her; do all she wants, including giving up their friends and family because she does not like them; or change their behavior, appearance, and practices just because she wants him to. Wrong! Women actually despise this type of man. In doing these things, you have become a worm, a doormat. Women do not respect a man who does not have the backbone or integrity to stand up for himself and tell them “No.” You can love your wife most, but you need to love yourself first, and allow your love for her to come from your own integrity. So while you’re being there for her and making sure she gets what she needs, don’t be afraid to ask your wife for what you need. It may be as simple as asking her to make you some food when you’re hungry, or run an errand for you when she’s out. It may be a deeper need like emotional support during a difficult time. It may be a kiss, a cuddle, or sex. Whatever it is, by allowing her to help and support you, you tacitly let her know how needed she is—without fawning over her or sacrificing your integrity. Her service and your appreciation lift her sense of self-worth. A happy marriage=confidence and reliability.
- Cherish your relationship. A happy marriage is a partnership and partnerships can be dissolved. Don’t be indifferent or take your relationship for granted. Your investment of energy, effort, and love reminds her that while she’s free to leave the marriage whenever she wants, she has something to lose: where will she find another guy like you?
A happy marriage
- Be a man. Women want a well-balanced man. If you’re too sensitive, you’re a wimp. If you’re too aggressive, you’re an asshole. In between is being a man: rugged and dominant enough to excite and arouse her, yet loving enough that she feels completely safe. Find this middle ground. Hone your physical strength and your masculine skills and hobbies. Be a prick when you have to—when you’re defending her, defending yourself, standing up for what you believe in, or even standing up to her sometimes. Balance that by honing your soft skills, too. If you want to build a happy marriage, be kind, loving, warm, and supportive the rest of the time. (If you’re noticing a parallel here with the balance between making love and having sex, that’s not a coincidence. If you’re noticing a parallel with Gary Johnston’s speech in Team America: World Police, that’s not a coincidence either. Be a dick.) Women say they want a man who is sensitive, respects them, does the hard and dirty chores, and worship fully treats them like a princess; but their action of refusing to be with these men (or leaving them for more “manly” men) shows that most are actually attracted to two types of men: the aggressive hunters who are good providers, and the “bad boys” who project danger, rebellion, and—most important to this discussion— rough sex. This attraction explains why the wealthy jerks and the brutish bullies got the hot chicks when you were in school and why no matter how nice and attentive you were to your crush, she never considered you more than a friend. A happy marriage=mutual understanding, mutual help and care.
A happy marriage
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers…”
As women mature, they realize it was naive to think they could change “bad boys” and that they shouldn’t be with manipulators and abusers. However, they still want their men to stand up for themselves, be good providers, and be excellent protectors. In short, they want jerks who are also decent men. So, to clarify: be a dick, just not a pussy or an asshole. And if at some point things start to feel off with her, recalibrate to find this balanced middle ground again. A happy marriage=respect and politeness.
A happy marriage
A man working at a convenience store close to our home made my wife uncomfortable by how he would look at her or by what he would say when she would go to the counter. He never crossed the line into explicit harassment but the repeated incidents unsettled her so much that she refused to go there for purchases unless I was with her—and he was on his most professional behavior whenever I was around.
However, that store was the designated mail pick up area and she had to go there in person to pick up packages and registered mail addressed to her. One day, while she was picking up a package, he tried chatting her up and delayed returning her ID. She told me what happened when I got home. I immediately went to the store and told him to stop harassing my wife or else there would be serious consequences. He got the message and the problem disappeared.
By defending my wife, I backed up the loving words I tell her every day with an action proving it. That’s what a man (or a dick) does. Sure, I could’ve handled it better than yelling and pointing my finger in his face before other customers, but it got the job done.
A happy marriage
“A happy marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created…”
Following these ten commandments will make you a better man and a better partner and you will be able to build a happy marriage and relationship. They are invaluable in helping you give your wife the best sex of her life since they allow her to open herself to you completely, feeling both excited by your dominance and protected by your love.
“ORGASMIC. An Illustrated Guide for Men on Sexually Satisfying Women”
EDWARD K. WATSON