Sunday, 19 Aug 2018

How to Start a Conversation With a Woman and How to Give Compliments

how to give compliments

When you see a woman that you’d like to talk to, the first thing that you really need to do is to try to stay calm. You need to condition your body and your mind to stay somewhat relaxed and in the moment. If you go getting all worked up and analytical, thinking that you’ve got to do the ‘game thing’ now, firstly – you’re not going to notice the things that you could use to start the interaction, and secondly – you’re going to make this one approach much more of a big deal than it actually is. This is just one girl. It’s a step on your journey. The chances of this one girl being the girl that changes your life are slim. The chances of this approach even eventuating into anything are small. So you need to stop yourself from getting so worked up over it.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

That’s not to say that it should feel easy, I’m just saying to not over-analyse it. I couldn’t count the times that I’ve had a client debate how to approach a woman, from what angle, what specifically he will say to her, and then as soon as he said “Excuse me ….”, the woman completely ignored him and walks off. All that time wasted. So the first thing that you need to do is to chill out and take a moment to put it all into perspective. The second thing that you need to do is to ask yourself what it is about her that grabbed your attention? Why is she a person that you’d like to talk to? Is she dressed really well? Is there something specific that she’s wearing that’s interesting? Does she look like a tourist? Is she simply beautiful, and if so, what makes her beautiful? Does she look friendly? Is she looking at the same thing as you in the supermarket, or standing in the same queue? I really want you to start noticing these things. I want you to start paying attention to what you’re seeing, thinking and feeling. And specific things, not just “She’s hot”. Try to read her a little. Who do you think she is? What is she doing? What do you think she’s feeling?

 

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Observational Openers.  How to Give Compliments?

One of the easiest ways to start an interaction is with an ‘observational opener’ (‘opener’ meaning a conversation starter). Again, is there something about her that you can comment on? Is there something that she’s wearing that grabs your attention? Is there something about her specifically? Is there something that she is doing? Let’s use her style as an example. Something as simple as “Excuse me … can I just say that I really like your style” is absolutely fine IF she is indeed dressed well or interestingly. If you go up to a woman dressed completely normally and say this, she’s going to be confused and suspicious of you. Or if she walks past you on the street (which I’ll cover in the next chapter), and you notice that she’s cute and dressed quite well, after she has passed you, turn back, approach her from the side with something like “Excuse me … sorry I know this is rather random, I just had to come back and compliment you on your style.” and if she responds warmly, following it up with something like “Random I know, I just wanted to say hello. You stood out from the crowd.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

It could be something specific that she’s wearing, which is even better. Just yesterday I had a client meet a girl on the street by commenting on her leopard print shoes – “Excuse me … I had to come and say that I love those shoes, they’re crazy” She loved it. But again, had they been normal shoes and he said that, she would have responded with “Erm, ok?” So is there something (anything) about her? Yes, of course she’s attractive, and that’s why you’re likely approaching her – I’ll cover this more direct style of approaching in a moment – but if there’s something obvious that you can comment on, you don’t have to go in and put your balls on the line. Some guys are comfortable doing this (me included – I love direct approaching), other guys are not. And it’s not just about how comfortable you are with the approach, but also trying to make it as comfortable as possible for her also.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Some people may consider observational approaches lame – “You’re commenting on her style, what’re you her girlfriend?” – but they’re forgetting that the effectiveness of these observational openers is not the opener itself. It’s not the words that matter. Some of these comments are actually quite plain and some are just silly – it all comes down to the simple fact that you’re initiating an interaction with her. She very likely knows why you’re there, even if your opener is kinda dumb. Women understand that men need to say something. When I was out recently, I had a woman approach me with “Hey I like your shirt”. Now, she maybe did like my shirt to some degree, but it was just a simple stripped t-shirt, nothing too amazing, so the same applies here – I feel that I can safely assume that she’d seen me, was a little curious about me and had to say something to stop me as I was walking past, so that’s what she came up with.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Observational openers can be very simple. “Excuse me … hi, I was just wondering are you from here?” is another example that I’ve used hundreds of times. Melbourne is packed with cute tourists who are often very easy to spot, and these simple little observations – “Excuse me … I have to ask, you’re German right?” – have worked very well to initiate many good chats during the day for both myself and clients.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Pay Attention. How to Give Compliments?

All you need to do here is pay attention. What can you comment on? “Excuse me, I’m just curious what you are reading?” “Excuse me, I have to ask, what is that you’re buying there?” – A few weeks ago, a client asked me to approach a woman walking up the street who was smiling with headphones in. I walked beside her for a little bit, slightly leaned in front of her and motioned that I wanted to ask her something with my hand. She stopped walking, took her headphones out and I asked “I have to ask what you’re listening to. You’re walking up the street with a massive grin on your face. Is that an audiobook or comedy or something? Turns out it was just music but she was enjoying the sunshine, and we proceeded to chat about her day out shopping. You could ask her about something in the environment, something that’s happening around you, or something a bit more practical (asking about trains, streets, etc. – as long as you can transition them to a conversation, which I’ll cover soon).

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Looking for examples to include in this chapter, in just in the last couple days, I’ve noticed a girl with an interesting tattoo, a girl with a dream catcher painted on her jacket, a girl knitting in the sun, a girl drinking water from a vodka bottle that she’d turned into an everyday bottle, a girl with blue hair on a train … when you pay attention, you really do start to see so many things that you could use to initiate conversations. Your homework for this chapter will be to get out there and notice these things, because we really do habitually block them out. I remember once when I pointed out a cute girl for a client to approach on the street, he asked me “What do I say?” My response was “Are you serious? She’s wearing a saree!” A simple “Excuse me, I have to say, love the Saree. Are you going somewhere or do you just wear them because you like them?” worked great.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Just make sure that your observation is legitimate. To approach a girl with normal long brown hair and tell her you like her hair, is going to make you seem very weird, and/or desperate, whereas a girl with an afro or coloured hair, will be fine. And don’t go up to a girl and say “Hey I love your bag” unless it really is an interesting looking handbag. I’ve heard a few guys say this and I tend to think that she may actually think that you’re gay, or that you’re about to mug her. I recently approached a girl using her handbag, but it was a psychedelic looking handbag that she bought in India.

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How to give compliments?

How to give compliments?

Had it been a normal looking bag, I’m certain that she would have moved away from me very quickly. There’s a huge difference between commenting on a girl’s colorful Converse for example, and commenting on her standard, black work shoes. “Excuse me, just gotta say, I love the Chucks” is going to work well in one case, and in the other case “Excuse me, I love your shoes” is going to make you look pretty.

 

«Approach: The Ultimate Guide To Meeting Women & Developing Confidence In Dating»

Chris Manak

 

 

 

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