Why Long-distance Relationship is Doomed to Fail: 8 Reasons
It is not a secret for any of us that long-distance relationship is a hard test for both sides. When two people are far away from each other and they don’t have an opportunity to feel each other’s touch, it is a real torture for them. And no matter how much they try to keep their relationship, they only build an illusion just to run away from bitter reality – long-distance relationship is doomed to fail. You may think that this can happen if one of the partners don’t make enough efforts, but no matter how many Skype conferences and correspondence they have, for some reason they start to move away from each other by tacit mutual consent.
Of course, we are not talking about couples who can be apart from each other for a year and it is not a problem for them. But such couples are more likely an exception than a rule.
That’s why if you are in such relationship and you feel that you move away from each other emotionally with your partners, no matter what you keep contacting each other regularly and you see each other on camera every day, you should realize that this is quite a common thing in long-distance relationships which is waiting for most of the couples.
Here we will talk about 8 main reasons why long-distance relationships may be doomed to fail.
Communication turns into a burden
One of the major mistakes of couples who try to keep their relationship on distance is a desire to build some schedules of communication sessions. We advise you to fight against such impulses, even if they are sincere. Let each other do what you want, not what you need. In love, there is no place for plans and schedules, spontaneity is your everything.
The financial burden
Relationships at a distance are not a cheap pleasure. Even if you live only a couple of hours away from each other, one of you will have to spend money on a ticket or gasoline every time you want to meet.
And if this happens every weekend, and even more often (to the detriment of work, for example), the financial burden (most likely on his pocket) may be one of the reasons why relationship at a distance cool down.
You may feel that when it comes to love, thinking about money is inappropriate and quite unromantic. But we live in a real world where everything has to be paid for.
Another common cause that prevents to maintain relationships at a distance is the difference in the ways of life of partners. For example, a girl can go to the university in one city and study diligently, and her boyfriend at this time will hang out at endless night parties in another city hundreds of kilometers away.
Or another option: you live in a village where he came for the summer, but now he has gone home – to a large city.
No matter how much you love him and how he does not swear in his loyalty, jealousy, and assumptions about how many temptations around him will take their toll. By the way, roles may well change, depending on who is in what life situation turned out.
Therefore, it is best, to be honest about your feelings and jealousy, including, remembering that your choice is your choice. It’s not his fault that you decided to study in this city instead of moving to a village where he is (the situation described is just an example and is used only to make it easier for you to grasp the essence of the problem).
You change and her changes
We rarely realize and even less often recognize that the environment changes us. Regardless of how unique each of us considers himself to be, we are actually “brought up” by our living and social environment.
This means that your families, friends, acquaintances and even casual people with whom each of you will contact separately will not allow you to keep the relationship from a distance. He may stop wanting five children you dreamed of while you were together. His priority may be a career and not a happy life “in a hut.” You can start to like the genre of music that he hates.
And these “may” eventually will become only more. Because your lives are changing not together, but in parallel, almost independently of each other.
It is quite natural that a change in life priorities leads to a change in the relationship at a distance. Their ending is one of the variants of these changes.
Sex at a distance
This moment can be one of the most significant in a relationship at a distance. And you both have certain physiological needs – you both need sex. Perhaps he needs it more often than she.
There are many ways to solve this problem when partners cannot contact physically. In our time, you can “engage” in sex, not only on the phone but also on video communication. And if you are all right with imagination, you can arrange real sex marathons in the distance.
But you need to try to be honest.
For example, he asks you to undress and do “like this and this way.” You agree because it seems like you need to satisfy his needs, but you realize that you will not like it very much. Then you get angry with him that he forced you to do it, and to yourself that you agreed. As a result, sexual entertainment may become a destructive factor, rather than bringing pleasure.
Therefore, in the question of intimacy from a distance, you both must be especially careful and carefully discuss everything, choosing the options that suit each of you.
Lack of willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of a partner
It may well be that at least one (and maybe both) of lovers who are trying to maintain a relationship at a distance, is guided by a career or some other vital goals for him. Perhaps, it is these goals that are the reason that you cannot live together.
For example, he has a prestigious job in one city, and you study at a university in another one. And now think, are you really sure that being in a similar situation you would immediately leave for him, having just got a diploma? Or would you choose to go to graduate school, then doctorate, etc.?
Similarly, at some point, he could convince you that he would get a promotion soon and would be able to transfer to a branch of the company in your city. But in reality, career development for him went differently and moving would mean his braking. Would he prefer you or to make good money?
It is sad, but very often in such situations, options are chosen that do not allow you to keep the relationship at a distance.
Lack of progress in relations
In a relationship at a distance, this problem is usually expressed much more seriously than when a couple lives together or at least in one city. How much you would not try to maintain this connection, sooner or later it’s time to move on: to get married or to break up.
Such moments, as a rule, come after 2-3 years of serious relationships at a distance, as it comes to understand that closeness does not increase and your lives go in different ways, which are increasingly moving you away from each other.
And if the understanding of this comes only to one, and the other suits everything, the result is usually a breakup.
No reunion date
Typically, at the heart of each relationship at a distance is at least one serious reason. Work in another city, study, business, care for elderly parents and thousands of more options. It does not matter what exactly.
The main thing is for each of you to see the ultimate goal: the end of studies, the completion of transactions, the completed book etc. In other words, the result, the achievement of which will mean your reunion and the transfer of the relationship from the category “at a distance” to “again together.”
If your relationship with a man has a motto “somehow someday, if you’re lucky”, you can be sure that you will never go to the next stage.
Relationship at a distance is not always a doom
The described problems are manifested in almost every relationship at a distance. But now you know about the possibility of their manifestation and you will be ready to solve them or even better – to prevent.
We will be very glad if you share your own experience of long-distance relationship, problems you have faced with and the way you have managed them.