Friday, 18 Oct 2019

Psychological Vulnerability. Secure Sex

How to grow Dick
True Vulnerability
- A man with a seven-inch (18 cm) penis may proudly compare his organ to the average man’s five to six inches (12-15 cm) but be intimidated when learning another wields an eight-inch (20 cm) rod.

Leaving Loneliness: A Workbook: Building Relationships with Yourself and Others”

by David S. Narang Ph.D

Psychological Vulnerability

Are you vulnerable enough to get closer to those already in your life? Are you really? Once you know people are safe, in that while they may hurt you, they would not intentionally hurt you deeply and repeatedly, well then, it is time to move closer. Psychological vulnerability means that when there is an argument, you can get to the level of discussing intent and feelings instead of just pushing for the outcome you want or overreacting to their push. For example, if they keep pushing, it would be more vulnerable to say, “You keep pushing for what you want, and that makes me feel very unimportant,” if that were your truth, than it would be to simply push back. Psychological vulnerability means giving the thoughts and feelings behind your reaction, instead of giving only the reaction. Psychological vulnerability means letting those close to you get closer by letting them know when you are feeling shy and ashamed, not solely when you feel strong. This is why getting closer to people requires security.

Psychological Vulnerability. Secure Sex - photo 1

Psychological Vulnerability

Psychological Vulnerability. Security is a strength that leaves you unconcerned that something another says or does will be powerful enough to destroy you because you trust you can recover, and security also leads you to anticipate that loved ones’ actions are most likely to be supportive and caring. This is easy to say, but can be very challenging to do. It may take you a while to overcome your fear of imagined pain, and to step forward to become appropriately vulnerable with others. Be patient with yourself, but be determined as well. If you are working to move beyond Attachment Avoidance, your vulnerability challenge is in showing people your weaknesses, showing aspects of yourself you feel ashamed of, and also asking for help when needed.

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Psychological Vulnerability

Psychological Vulnerability. Your challenge might also be to tell somebody when they said or did something that hurt you, instead of stiffening up in a state of reactive, ‘righteous’ anger. In contrast, if you are working to move beyond Attachment Anxiety, your vulnerability challenge is to recognize when you are hurt, and then pause before acting. Instead of reflexively blaming others for your wound and feeling they should fix it, you can take a moment to consider their perspective and ask yourself how you may have upset them as well. Rather than reacting to them as the aggressor, explain that you are hurt and ask them to give the intent/motive behind the speech or behavior that hurt you. Then stop explaining your perspective, literally stop talking, and give them lots of room to explain their point of view.

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Psychological Vulnerability

Psychological Vulnerability. Of course, if somebody does in fact repeatedly intend to hurt you, this leads you down a different path of asking yourself why you keep him/her in your life. Many times, however, while the actions of others may hurt you, the injury is not intended, and that difference matters. Your psychological vulnerability work then might be related to coming clean with your own reactions and feelings as they are, and encouraging yourself in your right to have them, but without hiding behind a fortress of outrage where the other person is pigeonholed as ‘aggressor,’ ‘stupid,’ or otherwise ‘bad.’ Based on the above discussion, how would you define your work when it comes to increasing appropriate psychological vulnerability? What is the next small step you want to take toward that work?

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Psychological Vulnerability

Secure Sex. Psychological Vulnerability

If you have a lover, or someone who is perhaps on the way to becoming your lover, this activity will be useful now. If you do not have a lover currently but have had a partner in the past, this exercise may lead you to look back to consider the quality of sex you were having, as well as considering anything you would like to change about that in the future. Secure Attachment kissing and touching means that there is an interest in enjoying the sexual chemistry together, not merely in the sense of a pressure to please yourself or the other partner, but rather in the sense of enjoying the opportunity to be together in those delights. If you are higher in Attachment Avoidance, you may tend to approach sex in a greedy manner, as though the plate may not always have food, so to speak.

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Psychological Vulnerability

Psychological Vulnerability. Being in “feast or famine” mode, you may figure that it is best to gobble the current food greedily in case of famine. The sex may be hot, loaded with fun tension, but ultimately not very intimate. Of course, you have a valid reason to feel greedy. Your history was indeed one of emotional famine, so your desire for hoarding or gluttony is quite reasonable, though in your adult life, this greedy approach may also be quite destructive. The hope is to allow you to truly be present and together with the other person during sex, thus enjoying each other. Among some women with Attachment Avoidance, while they may have the style mentioned above, it is alternately possible that the messiness of sex may stop them from being interested in being touched. Being entered may feel like a chore. If you have Attachment Anxiety, kissing, touching, and sex will provoke hopes for and possibly also fears of closeness. As a result, some people find themselves having more sex with those they do not know well, and later cutting off sex once a partner gets too close as a self-protective mechanism to minimize risk and intimacy.

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Psychological Vulnerability

Psychological Vulnerability. Sex like this can be wonderful and emotionally intense, but as just mentioned, difficult to sustain with the same partner when the partner becomes too close emotionally. Working toward Secure Attachment sex: Try to bring your mind to where your body is, away from any sexual performance pressures or “to-do” task lists. Instead, practice truly being together with your partner, living the experience of having sex together. How does he/she feel against your body? What feels great? What feels less positive or upsetting? How do you know if your partner is having a good time? How does your partner know if you are enjoying it? What is the next step/s for you in working toward Secure Attachment sex? How might the sexual experience change for you when you take that step? How may taking that step change the sexual experience for your current (or future) partner?

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Psychological Vulnerability

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A Four-Inch-Long Penis Is More Than Adequate

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