Public Sex. How to Orgasm Quickly
As anyone who’s done it will testify, there’s no quicker way to orgasm than to have sex in public places when the risk of getting caught is very high.
Warning: It is Illegal (Is the Risk Worth It?)
States and provinces have different laws and penalties for public indecency violations. Find out what the consequences will be if you get caught by the police. If you’ve already been arrested and are still determined to do it again, you face the highly likely chance of getting charged as a repeat offender if you get rearrested. As cameras become more and more prevalent in our society, the likelihood of getting caught increases all the time. Be careful.
Always Be Discreet
Never forget, if the two of you decide to try having sex in public places, you must always have the ability to exit the scene within a few seconds of discovery. Don’t even try to attract attention to yourselves. The more discreet you are, the more likely you won’t be punished if you get caught by the police. This means no moaning, screaming, or complete disrobing.
Never Have Public Sex with Anyone Other Than Your Wife
Remember what we talked about last chapter on the effects of cheating going public? Think about it. Imagine being shown on the six o’clock news. If you are caught having public sex with someone who isn’t your wife, the consequences can be disastrous. Divorce, public humiliation, loss of employment, fines, imprisonment, or a criminal record can all land on top of you.
That being said, some judges and juries are sympathetic to those who are trying to save a marriage by putting the spark back into their relationship. Chances are you might only get a slap on the wrist, but if—and only if—the person you’re caught having sex with is your wife. This sympathy will vanish if you get caught while cheating.
I was caught one night by the police while fooling around in a car under the Lion’s Gate Bridge in Vancouver’s Stanley Park. Back then, it was possible to take a side road to go right below the bridge deck and it was a magnificent view of the Burrard Inlet and the lights of the North Shore. Lucky for me, the cops were cool and my lady friend and I were both young and single. I got off with just an illegal parking ticket and fine. I’m certain their reaction wouldn’t have been so tolerant if I was older and the woman was someone other than my wife.
Never Have Public Sex where Children are Present
If you have sex in public and children see you, you will definitely be arrested and labeled a sex offender. You do NOT want that on your record. Stay away from places where children can see you having sex. Parks, schoolyards, or the parking lots near these places—anywhere kids frequent—don’t take your sex life there. Just don’t.
What to Wear
For public sex, you don’t actually want to get fully naked, so flexible clothing is a must. Neither one of you should wear underwear. Have your partner wear loose-fitting pants or a soft skirt that lets you lift one side without pulling the entire skirt up. Always have a jacket on hand to cover your arm or to act as a shield. As for you, make sure you wear pants or shorts that will allow you to take out your penis without having to actually drop your trousers. This will also allow you to rapidly put it back into your pants if you’re caught.
Go to a Place Where You Aren’t Known
Don’t have public sex in places where people know you. This means don’t do it in the park in your neighborhood—or beside your job or church. Drive at least ten minutes away, or go to the next town or county. This way, if you get caught and arrested, it’s less likely that your friends and family will find out.
Options: Intercourse Isn’t the Only Thing To Do
While actually having sex in public is incredible, there are also other things you can do if public sex isn’t an option (or if you’re looking for a teasing preparation for a later sex session):
- Rub her vulva through her clothes. For this to work properly, have her wear a very thin dark skirt or pants and, preferably, no underwear. Have her put a coat or another object over her lap to cover your hand and begin rubbing without moving your arm. This is ideal when you’re surrounded by people in brightly lit areas. Of course, rubbing her vulva regardless of location is always a fun thing—just try not to get caught!
- Rub her vulva under her clothes. This works best if she doesn’t wear underwear and it is reasonably dark around you. Have her cover her lap with a coat or jacket. Hike up her skirt or place your hand inside her pants and go to town. This is perfect for darkened movie theaters, but be careful! If a loud moan slips out and the other patrons all turn and look at you, pretend you forgot to turn off your cell phone and that was its naughty customized ring tone. Make a show of turning it off while apologizing to your “date” in a stage voice about forgetting to turn off the offending “cell phone.” Also, think long and hard before doing it in a movie theater: if the theater has cameras recording the patrons, you are busted regardless of which seats you are in.
- Oral sex. Depending on the lighting and location, it may be possible for you to lick your partner’s vulva in public. She should be wearing a long skirt that can cover you from the view of others. This activity is good for various office locations (be extra careful, you’re likely to get fired if you’re caught) or under the table in restaurants with long tablecloths.
- Anal/vaginal stimulation from behind. She should be wearing high heels to arch her butt upward. Run your hand down the back of her pants or below her skirt. Rub or finger her anus or vagina. This can be fun while standing in line at night outside clubs or theaters.
Having sex in a vehicle can be ideal for public sex (and this happened all the time back in the drive-in theater days). But any place the two of you can sit down or stand up without attracting too much notice can work for public sex. This includes offices, parks, golf courses, beaches, theaters, sidewalks, clubs, restaurants, museums, universities, and so forth.
Anywhere there are bushes, like golf courses and parks, can be a great place for public sex. Just make sure both of you are fully clothed and you can instantaneously decouple if you are caught. You should be able to hear anyone approaching. Just before—or just as—people appear, immediately exclaim, “This is not a shortcut!” which should give you plausible deniability while you make your escape. Warning: Stay away from schools, churches, recreation centers, sports arenas, gyms, and places with lots of security cameras. Lastly, never have public sex in dangerous neighborhoods. The risk is just too great.
Relax, Even If You Get Caught, Most People Won’t Bother You
I’ve never heard of a case where people who were caught having public sex were harassed or assaulted by the people who caught them—unless they did it in dangerous neighborhoods or they were caught by police. Just put your cock back in your pants and beat a hasty retreat. Don’t dawdle! Get out of there as fast as you can. Even if they record your license plate, arresting people for public sex isn’t exactly a priority with the police, as long as the offenders weren’t endangering children.
Catching couples having sex in public doesn’t happen to people every day. The people who stumbled upon you will likely be shocked and more embarrassed than you are! They will probably be backing away, apologizing, and grinning nervously, giving you and your partner time to get out of there. Besides, those who discover couples in flagrante delicto may even cherish those memories and use them in arousing their own partners.
“We’re sorry, Officer. We’re just trying to save our marriage!”
If you are caught by the police, explain you just wanted the thrill of the risk of discovery but were being discreet about it and had no intention of being seen by others, especially by children. Emphasize that you’re just trying to save your marriage by putting excitement back into it and this was the first time you’ve tried it (if this statement is true; never lie, especially if evidence exists to the contrary). Make sure you and your wife both agree on this explanation and do not contradict each other. Above all, stick to this line in case you go to trial. For heaven’s sake, make sure your actions match your story. No judge or jury will believe you if you were caught completely naked and screaming in an elementary school parking lot!
“ORGASMIC. An Illustrated Guide for Men on Sexually Satisfying Women”
EDWARD K. WATSON
Geoffrey Klepeis, Illustrato
A Four-Inch-Long Penis Is More Than Adequate