Tuesday, 18 Sep 2018

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

reach orgasm

There are four keys which can help to reach orgasm for a woman who has never had one.

Patience, presence, pathos, and pace. Those are the four keys to helping a woman to reach orgasm when she never has before.

Be patient. That’s the most important thing. Listen to what her experience has been, what her fears may be, and what her desires are. Ask her questions and be prepared to hear the answers. Ask her if she has any questions. Most—not all, but most—women who have never had an orgasm have trouble getting and staying in their bodies and keeping their head in the game. They may be distracted by past trauma or experiences. Or they may have body issues. Or they may worry about how an orgasm will feel, if they will be able to have one, what they will sound like, and so on. If you want to help a woman reach orgasm, being patient is paramount.

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masturbation

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

Be present. Every woman’s experience is unique when it comes to reach orgasm. Facilitating one for someone, especially for someone who has never had one, is about being able to meet her where she is and help her to get to where she wants to be. Stay in the moment with her and she will be eternally grateful.

Have pathos. Being understanding of what a woman trying to reach orgasm is going through will make all the difference when it comes to whether or not this will be her breakthrough. Regardless of your own orgasm experience, do your best to put yourself in her place and understand how challenging and perhaps embarrassing or scary this might be.

Be mindful of her pace. Take your time and let her know that she can take her time too. Most women can’t and don’t come in an instant, especially the first time around and especially if her path to reach orgasm has been a long and challenging one. Start with sensual activities like a full-body massage, and then work up to breast massage and ultimately vulvar massage. Once she is fully relaxed and aroused, then consider moving on to clitoral stimulation, penetration, oral sex, and the rest. This is the fun part. Don’t rush. The longer the tease, the more fulfilling the please.

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passion man and woman

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

Women don’t take “too long” to come, and facilitating female orgasm is not “hard work.”

First of all, orgasm—having one or facilitating one—should never, ever be considered work, unless it is actually your career. Reach orgasm is one of life’s greatest pleasures, and if it’s your orgasm and it feels like work, it’s time to rethink what orgasm means to you.

And it’s time to consider a new partner if it’s your partner’s orgasm that you don’t want to be troubled with. Getting to reach orgasm should be at least half the fun for any and all parties involved. If it isn’t, consider whether you’ve taken note of what this book has to offer about the ins and outs of maximizing your orgasm-having and -giving.

The second major issue here is why there is any comparing at all going on. Men’s orgasms and women’s orgasms are very different. There’s no need to compare them and, honestly, no good can come from that. In fact, comparing them, to my mind, is what got us into the orgasm mess we’re in now. It doesn’t take women “too long.” It takes as long as it takes. It doesn’t take “too much” to get a woman to come. It’s just a delusion that a few strokes of a penis in a vagina is some sort of cause for celebration.

If women are going to have happy, healthy orgasmic lives, we’ve got to recalibrate. 

Women’s orgasms are equally good and equally important and very much different. Once we all come to accept those truths, issues like this will arise less frequently—and show-stopping orgasms will arise far more frequently.

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womans orgasm

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

It may have taken you a long time to have your first one, and that doesn’t matter.

I don’t know specifically why it took so long for the number of readers who asked this question. I do know that I found it intriguing that they posed the question at all. My guess is that these women feel as if they missed something or that perhaps something was or is wrong with them.

But the truth is, a variety of factors could have contributed to the fact that it was a long time coming for them to start coming. And all that matters now is that they are coming. So, do your best to let it go if this is one of those questions that plagues your own mind. If it’s all good now, it’s all good!

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beautiful blonde woman

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

Reach orgasm can be so darn elusive sometimes.

Orgasms are fickle fellows. They are as dependent on our bodies as they are on our minds. Depending on the time of month, how much sleep you’ve had, whether you’ve been drinking, who you’re with, whether or not you’re alone, what kind of sex acts you’re partaking in, and so on and so on, sometimes an to reach orgasm may be really hard or even impossible to come by.

Even though this whole book is about how important orgasms are and how to have them, it’s also about learning not to put so much focus on the orgasm itself. Pleasure should be the focus, not necessarily to reach orgasm. And, like with a lot of things, once you stop chasing it, it will likely come to you with ease.

Why is it hard sometimes? Because it is. Because it’s the human body we’re talking about here. So set your mind at ease. Think of sex as play. Sometimes the game has a dramatic conclusion and sometimes it’s to be continued…

You never have to feel intimidated when it comes to reach orgasm.

Intimidation is an interesting emotion. I went on a date with a woman once who told me she wasn’t sure she would ever want to sleep with me because she was intimidated by me.

“Why?” I asked.

“You’re literally writing the book on orgasm,” she said, laughing.

It was funny, because I felt incredibly intimidated by her—because of her work (she’s an incredibly successful DA in Los Angeles); because her “time in the field” far outweighs mine when it comes to being with women; and, quite honestly, because she’s a butch of the Shane from The L Word kind.

I was glad for the conversation, because it made me think about something absolutely vital to this conversation. We should never be intimidated by someone’s perceived knowledge about all things sex, because the truth is, it doesn’t really matter. It’s basically a clean slate every time.

Sure, I’ve read all the books and tried all the tricks. But as soon I’m with someone new, it’s a whole new game on a whole new playing field.

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passion man and woman

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

Killer orgasms are about lifelong learning. Our way of looking at sex morphs and changes and grows. It should, anyway. If you stop exploring, you might as well forget about expanding your orgasmic capacity.

So don’t be intimidated by a new partner, or allow a current partner to be intimidated by new interests you may be developing. In so many ways, we are all new. Every sexual experience has the capacity to be new.

Be open to giving and receiving and listening and hearing, and you will be bowled over by the kind of orgasms you will begin to have. So many of our orgasmic limitations have to do with expectations and preconceived notions. The brain gets too busy and the body doesn’t have a chance to enjoy.

Case in point: One night I went home with a girl who had kissed another woman before, but had otherwise only been sexual with men. She seemed to be enjoying the play but simply could not reach orgasm. She told me the next day that she just couldn’t let go enough to go there despite the fact that she expected to be able to.

Interestingly, in the middle of it all, she offered—unsolicited—that what she didn’t expect to be able to do was to go down on a woman. But, out of nowhere, she did, and I had an incredibly intense orgasm. She was tickled that she could go there and enjoy it and was able to make me come, giving her a renewed sexual energy and sense of power, almost as good as reach orgasm herself!

So leave intimidation at the door. If it’s at play in any of your sexual endeavors, tell it to hit the road. And if the person causing it won’t allow it to leave on its own, he or she is welcome to go with it. There’s no room for that in pursuit of the ultimate reach orgasm.

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womans orgasm

How to Reach Orgasm. Best and Simple Tips

For many women, the blended orgasm is the ultimate orgasm.

Throughout this book, we’re going to talk about all kinds of zones and places from which reach orgasm can emanate. But it’s important that you know, right from the get-go, that for most women, the blended (or combo) orgasm is their definition of the ultimate orgasm.

The idea of the blended orgasm is rooted deeply in science; it is based on the fact that the clitoris has “legs” nestled within the vagina as well as a tip exposed on the outside. So, tending to the clitoris in a variety of ways in a variety of places will lead to the kind of explosive, winding, lengthy, ultimate orgasm for which most of us long.

This means engaging the tip of the clit externally, while also engaging the breasts, anus, skin, brain, G-Zone, and/or 

A-Zone at the same time using the fingers, toys, the mouth, or other body parts as you see fit.

This article is about not limiting yourself to the current primary definition of sex. Sex is pleasure. No need to limit that.

 

“O Wow! Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm” by Jenny Block

 

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