Monday, 22 Jul 2019

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires

Seeking Satisfaction

Leaving Loneliness: A Workbook: Building Relationships with Yourself and Others”

by David S. Narang Ph.D

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires

The activity ‘Right Now: What Do You Actually Want to Be Doing?’ helped you live in a moment with presence, tuned in to yourself and to what fulfilled you at that moment. To go one step further, what if you could tap in to your deepest values and live your life accordingly? That would certainly build and exemplify Secure Attachment to self and lead to a strong long-term sense of satisfaction. When needing less from others, it would be much easier to relate to people as they actually are versus distorting your view of them to make them fit your vision of how they should be. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has demonstrated that defining one’s values and then committing to living in accordance with them is a powerful method of reducing both anxiety and depression. Seeking Satisfaction.

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 1

Seeking Satisfaction

It can be difficult to tap into your values at times. What do you really want? Are you seeking satisfaction?  You may be preoccupied with details of tasks you need to complete, relationship challenges, et cetera, and these details of daily life may cloud what you really want to accomplish in this life. As an antidote for that lack of clarity, imagine that you will die tomorrow. The truth is you have no clear certainty that you will live through the night. An earthquake or flood may destroy you. An intruder may kill you. Tomorrow, you could get hit by a car and die. This is the raw truth. It is important to remember, so you can avoid any imagined safety where you assume that you will live indefinitely, and instead you can get on with living your life purposefully. If you died tomorrow, what would you most regret not doing or not doing enough of? Answer this question three times: If I died tomorrow, I would regret most that I did not spend enough time and energy on: Now imagine your life as you want it two years from now, including doing those things above. Seeking Satisfaction.

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 2

Seeking Satisfaction

You must take the time and patience to imagine your life in great detail, starting with the moment you wake up. Is there anybody beside you? Continue in full detail to imagine a day in the life you want to have in two years. In doing this activity, it is best if you sit still, close your eyes, and imagine this day unfolding. Of the three things I noted above, which one is most important to me? What I commit to doing today, toward the life I want in two years, including the one thing I listed above that I most want to give time and energy to, is that I will: Now, go do it. You deserve this life, so go do it. It is the best tip if you are seeking satisfaction. Be your own hero, and go do that thing. If it feels overwhelming to consider doing this action, what support do you need to help you develop the sturdiness to pursue this one thing?

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 3

Seeking Satisfaction

Seeking Satisfaction Instead of Solely Searching for Comfort

In the activity above, you identified three of your deepest desires, things you do not want to die without having focused upon more. The purpose of this exercise is to help you overcome your barriers to going after your deepest desires. Probably, you did not list comforts, such as more time watching TV, eating good food, shopping, or eating more chocolate. Comforts can be fantastic, but if you tip the scales so that you focus more on seeking comfort than satisfaction, you may get uneasy, lose your focus, and become compulsively comfort driven, seeking comforts and avoiding your life. Satisfaction (seeking satisfaction) is derived from pursuing the sorts of things you identified in the previous activity. You need to find your own balance, which may also change over time, about how much comfort you need and how much satisfaction you need. Another way to think of excess comfort seeking is as going into one’s cocoon.  

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 4

Seeking Satisfaction

Cocooning means that you do things in familiar ways, seek familiar stagnations, and are pulled to them as if you are on a stretched rubber band. There is nothing wrong with creating some routines and structure. However, your days should also contain some freshness, doing things that you specifically consider doing and desire to do. The cocoon for some may consist of speaking to only some people at work but not to others, avoiding building new skills out of fear of being bad at them initially, complaining about others, complaining about weaknesses of oneself and others, complaining about life circumstances, grabbing for power instead of talking out relationship issues, vegetating in front of the TV, having stale repetitive conversations/arguments with friends/family, spending excess time engaging in addictions such as alcohol, drugs, the internet, porn, food, or pining for others. All of these activities, as examples, allow people to distract themselves from taking an active, responsible role in both believing in and seeking their own true happiness and taking the risks of vulnerability necessary to create that. Seeking Satisfaction.

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 5

Seeking Satisfaction

Searching out your satisfactions (seeking satisfaction) is much more vulnerable than cocooning. Rather than looking to soothe and entertain yourself in the familiar cocoon, you are actively engaging, making choices about your days. You may be taking risks in trying new experiences or skills. There is no road map except the one you create, which can be lonely and scary at first. That fear of taking control to build your own road map to life can lead you to getting lost in drama, busyness, or commenting on others’ lives instead of focusing on taking an active role in creating your own life. However, loving yourself and developing security includes taking an active role in building your happiness. Some examples of what a familiar, if stifling, cocoon might consist of are noted above. Now let’s see what your own cocoon is made of. Taking action: Draw your cocoon on the next page, and then write words and phrases inside your drawing to indicate how your cocoon is built. Seeking Satisfaction.

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 6

Seeking Satisfaction

Draw Your Cocoon, and the n write the words inside it as note d above : Take a look at the words/phrases you filled your cocoon with. Pick a couple of those words/phrases and revise them here, in accordance with how you would like to evolve on that issue as you emerge from your cocoon. As you start to leave the old, familiar, unsatisfying cocoon and look around your new, freer world, possibilities seem to open up, and you will feel lighter and freer. If something hurts, it is more likely to be a sharp, immediate, temporary pain versus a lower-level, continuous and aching depression. You become “real,” animated with the experience of living. Take a look at your answers to the previous exercise regarding your deepest desires. While giving yourself small comforts as needed, never lose sight of those more meaningful desires, and remember from this activity how you plan to methodically dismantle your cocoon. Seeking Satisfaction.

Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires - photo 7

Seeking Satisfaction

  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

2 thoughts on “Seeking Satisfaction. Becoming Aware of Your Deepest Desires

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *