Strong Orgasm. Real Life Stories
“HE ASKED ME TO LOOK STRAIGHT INTO HIS EYES”
It seems to me that orgasm, especially very strong orgasm is an emotion that we experience in a moment when essentially, we no longer have control. Therefore, we are in a psychological state where we can no longer attribute a meaning to what we are living through and experiencing.
Some may speak of an inner sensation. Perhaps others will speak of the conditions that bring them to orgasm. Defining strong orgasm is very difficult—as for me, my answer is that it is a sensation of maximum pleasure. In other words, we cannot imagine anything more pleasurable than that. One could say, I cannot know any greater satisfaction in my life than that. However, at the same time, it is always introspective; it is always after it has happened that we can talk about strong orgasm.
I think I remember my first one. I have just published a book in France titled Childhood Dreams, which is a story about my own childhood. And through this story, I did remember what seemed to me to be the first orgasm I experienced in my life.
It was a strong orgasm that was triggered not by a man but by an image. The memory is that I went to the movies with my mother and my brother. And the film we went to see was an American film, The Guns of Navarone. The leading actor was Gregory Peck, and I found him very, very handsome. At the moment he embraced his partner on the screen, I was infused with a pleasure that I had never known in that way. I started to feel very soft inside; I was even afraid that my mother and others sitting beside me would see my emotion. In the years that followed, I very often experienced this same very intense and voluptuous emotion when seeing a couple kissing on the screen.
The curious thing is that I was a young girl who already had a great deal of practice in masturbation. So I had already experienced such feelings, but to experience this without my own help, by simply witnessing an image, was much stronger than what I had known or experienced before.
At that moment—I might have been 13 or 14 years of age, no older—I think I experienced an orgasm for the first time without knowing what it was, without knowing that it was called an orgasm. But it was a very fierce and very pleasurable feeling. Strong orgasm is a pleasure that invades you almost despite yourself, or when you least expect it. It takes you brutally by surprise, which is what happened at the movie theater.
I can tell you two memories of my strongest orgasm. I have one memory from my sexual life when I attained a particularly strong orgasm with a man I didn’t know. I experienced this pleasure at the moment when he asked me to look into his eyes. It happened while we were making love, and during this act, he asked me to look straight into his eyes, which I did. This seems to have provoked the orgasm.
Was it the act of looking straight into his eyes during coitus? Surely, yes. This is one memory, and the other one was exposing my genitals in front of Jacques, my husband, but from a certain distance. We were making love, and I backed up, exposing myself to him, exposing my genitals from afar under his eyes. For me, it was a source of pleasure that was very intense, very strong.
These different experiences—from the movies, gazing directly into the eyes, and exposing myself from afar to Jacques—I think make my eye my main sexual organ. I have to laugh when I say it, but maybe for me, desire and pleasure come through the eyes. With Jacques, my orgasm came from the exhibition, just from my showing myself to him, but also from his gaze. I think it was his gaze that evoked this pleasure.
I do have fantasies if I’m alone, but not when I’m with a partner. If I’m with a partner, I’m completely with my partner, completely with him. He himself can have fantasies, but me, not so much. For me, I’m really absorbed in the act at this moment. On the other hand, when I masturbate, I have a great need for fantasies, the movies in my mind that I remake.
Fantasies are so individual, but at the same time, the scenes are always a bit the same. Well, some maybe imagine different partners, different desires, or the circumstances could be different, but I think that fantasies are very stereotypical. One of the most effective fantasies for many women is to be the object of desire by many men at once. I suspect it is a very common fantasy, even if not admittedly so, and happens very frequently.
You come out of a strong orgasm, if I dare say, with a feeling of absolute fulfillment. All of your expectations have been met. And when you are in this situation, you are very disposed to love others, to love the world in general, love life, and forget everything that is bad in the world for a few moments; despite the bad things, you are reconciled with the world and with life. I think that this is the role of orgasm. It gives you this feeling of fulfillment that permits you to no longer expect to receive something, but to now have something you can give to others. It doesn’t last; life and its challenges come back, but for a moment, we are ready to be generous. I think this is one of the main functions.
Very often, strong orgasm makes you cry. It makes you burst into tears. You start to sob. It’s an immense satisfaction and simultaneously a sense of despair. Because you have in fact lost contact with yourself at that moment, which can trigger a moment of dispossession and the impression that we are emptied from inside. It’s at this moment that I sometimes cry. And the second time, there’s a feeling of fullness; the emptiness is replaced by… this serenity, this desire to give of yourself entirely, to give back everything you have received.
“Orgasm Interviews on Intimacy”