What is Jealousy?
Men and women often face with the fact that one of the partners is jealous, and this becomes a serious problem which causes difficulties in the relationship. Because of what there is jealousy? Is it good or bad and how to fight it?
Jealousy is a feeling by which we tend to control our loved ones. Jealousy in relationships is a sign of low self-esteem when a jealous person is afraid that someone will be better than him/her, more interesting, more beautiful, and the person controlled by him/her will leave or cease to love … This feeling is a sign of uncertainty – in a relationship, in himself, in the partner.
There is a popular phrase “Jealous – it means love” is not really objective. Jealousy and love have nothing in common, these are the opposite feelings in psychology! It’s correct to say: “Jealous – means afraid to lose” or “does not trust”. To some extent, a person experiencing this feeling, unconsciously believes: “I will cause pain, while you do what I do not want you to do.” And thus unconsciously destroys the relationship. The feeling of jealousy is dangerous because it can turn into anger in extreme manifestations – a feeling that is almost impossible to control. And anger, in turn, passes into a state of affect, in which a person no longer understands what he is doing.
Jealousy of a man concentrates around his low self-esteem, distrust of others. Men are often skeptical about such feelings as trust and completely disagree with their girlfriends (spouses) of male friends. The nature of the manifestation of jealousy in men is somewhat more aggressive than that of women. Men give out their jealousy with such a number of signs:
- He often initiates scandals;
- He causes physical violence;
- Restriction of freedom;
- Prohibition of sexual clothing and makeup;
- Restriction of communication.
Jealousy of a woman is more harmless than a man’s. Considering the fact that a woman is a rather unusual creature, her reasons for jealousy may be very diverse and unexpected. Most women who are jealous of their beloved men do not realize all the negativity of this phenomenon. The basis of female jealousy is ownership, which results in such problems:
- Fear of being abandoned;
- Fear of losing a sponsor;
- Fear of being alone;
- Feeling of restrained pride;
- Feeling of inferiority, understated self-esteem in women.
If you are on the verge of an explosion of jealousy, do this exercise. If you do it regularly, soon the habit of analyzing the situation will become automatic.
Step # 1.
Inhale with a nose, counting to 4, then hold your breath, counting again to 4. Start counting from eight to one exhale through the mouth, stretching your lips with a tube. Repeat three times. Such an exercise will signal to the brain that everything is calm, breathing will improve, the heartbeat will become steady, and emotions will recede.
Step # 2.
Now that you have an opportunity to think, realize where you are, what day it is today, what time it is now, what you planned to do next, etc. Such simple actions will allow you to return to “here and now”.
Step # 3.
Recollect, what action of the partner has caused your reaction. Have you seen or heard something? What thought visited you at this moment? What feeling did this thought evoke? Estimate the level of emotion on a 10-point scale.
Step # 4.
Is there any evidence to support your thoughts? What would you say to a person if he is in your position? Did you get into similar situations, and then it turned out that this is nonsense? Now listen to yourself again and evaluate your emotion on a 10-point scale. If it is still a 10-point mark, wring out or squat, if it is appropriate at the place where you are. If the emotion is not released, it seems to freeze in the muscles, which can adversely affect your health.
How not to be jealous?
- Look at the situation from the second position of perception – with the eyes of the second person;
- Formulate agreements in advance and continue not to violate them;
- Build a trusting relationship, remember that next to you is a good and decent person;
- Distract, take care of yourself;
- Agree on the existence of personal territories in which the person himself can decide whom he can communicate with, discuss their boundaries in advance, come to a mutual decision.
- Practice the inside “Good” and a positive outlook.
We hope that our advice will be useful for you. Love each other and cherish your relationship. Be honest with each other as honesty is the best foundation of the successful relationship.
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