Friday, 15 Jan 2021

Alcoholic Punch Recipes

How to grow Dick
Alcoholic Punch
- A man with a seven-inch (18 cm) penis may proudly compare his organ to the average man’s five to six inches (12-15 cm) but be intimidated when learning another wields an eight-inch (20 cm) rod.

Fruited Punch. Best Alcoholic Punch

Alcoholic Punch Recipes. Ingredients:

1 pint Strawberries, sliced
1 Pineapple, peeled, cored, and cut into chunks
2 Lemons, sliced into rounds
6 Oranges, sliced into rounds
1 bottle Brandy 
1 bottle Sherry
1 bottle Madira wine
4 bottles Champagne
1/2 gallon tonic water

Two bottles of hard alcohol and five bottles of wine were expected to yield twenty servings of punch. If you’ve seen much Victorian cooking, you know that as often as not, they believed flavor could be damned in favor of displaying how many kinds of things you could mix together. Why serve a nice beefsteak when you can have a horrible pottage made from beef, pork, lamb, game hens, chicken, venison, and rabbit? This punch follows that same logic. Why serve a nice Champagne spiked with brandy and a little fruit when you can throw in some Madira and sherry? 

Alcoholic Punch Recipes - photo 1

Alcoholic Punch

Making this is distressingly simple. Pour your brandy and sherry into a punchbowl. It’s no loss. They’re probably not your favorite liquors anyway. Now sacrifice that bottle of Madira you’d been saving for a nice red sauce. Stare forlornly at your perfectly good Champagne (or at the $4 bottles you picked up because you knew their fate) then dump them in along with the tonic water. Give it all a good stir and float the fruit on top.  The best thing you can say about this punch is it will efficiently get a group of people drunk while also preventing scurvy.

Alcoholic Punch Recipes - photo 2

Alcoholic Punch

Navy Punch. Best Alcoholic Punch

Alcoholic Punch Recipes. Ingredients:

1 bottle White Rum
1 bottle Champagne
4 cups Strong Black Tea
8 Lemons Juice and Rind
10 cups of Sugar

Modern drinkers may think 1/2 cup of sugar per serving is a bit excessive. Pshaw! The Royal Navy at the height of the British Empire deserved nothing less than the most tooth rottingly delicious beverages. Brew your hot, strong, black tea for a minimum of 10 minutes. Add the lemon juice, half of the lemon rind, and sugar. Mix them in until the sugar melts into a lovely molten candy, then keep stirring for half an hour. In fact, if you’re feeling extra spunky, after 30 minutes you can siphon off 1/4 cup for a little quick period candy. Carefully peel long strips of rind off your remaining 4 lemons, making sure you leave no white pulp. Soak the peels in the syrup overnight, then carefully leave them out on waxed paper to dry. Congratulations, you made simple candied lemon peels with a hint of tea.

Alcoholic Punch Recipes - photo 3

Alcoholic Punch

Meanwhile, after half an hour of stirring your massive pot of black tea and lemon simple syrup, it’s time to add the rum. Give that a good stir. Now pour everything into your punch bowl and top it off with a bottle of Champagne to give it a nice bit of effervescence. If modern drinkers find this a bit overly sweet, feel free to either cut the sugar in half or, if you’d like a weaker drink, use 8 cups of weaker tea brewed for only 3 minutes.

Alcoholic Punch Recipes - photo 4

Alcoholic Punch

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A Four-Inch-Long Penis Is More Than Adequate

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