Wednesday, 20 Jan 2021

Simple Punch Recipes

How to grow Dick
Punch Recipes
- A man with a seven-inch (18 cm) penis may proudly compare his organ to the average man’s five to six inches (12-15 cm) but be intimidated when learning another wields an eight-inch (20 cm) rod.

Strong Colonial Milk Punch. 

Punch Recipes

Easy, but very tasty punch recipes:

1 gallon Rum or Brandy
1/2 gallon Milk
8 Seville Oranges
8 large Lemons
4 Egg Shells and Whites
6 cups Sugar
12 cups Water

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 1

Punch Recipes

Finely zest (or very carefully peel then dice) the skin of your lemons and oranges. Add the zest to the rum or brandy and come back another day.

When you return, make a nice, simple syrup by bringing the water to a boil and adding the sugar. Stir until the sugar melts, then let it boil until the concoction is reduced by at least 2 cups. Meanwhile, beat the Egg Whites into a nice froth and crumble the Shells. Add those to your simple syrup and keep boiling until a scum rises to the top.

Once you have a nice scummy solution, skim it then strain it through cheesecloth until your liquid is perfectly clear. Clean your pot (or get a new one, you wastrel) and fill it with your nicely strained sugar solution and the strained juice of all your fruit. Make sure there are no seeds or pulp in the mix.

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 2

Punch Recipes

Strain the fruit zest from your brandy or rum. Add the strained alcohol do the nicely skimmed sugar solution. Let it cool to lukewarm, then add your whole milk. Mix it all together. If you have a cask lying around, pour everything inside and bung it up. If you don’t, put a lid on your pot and put it in a cool, dark place. It’s allegedly drinkable in six weeks, though considered far better if left to sit for a full six months. While you wait, feel free to amuse yourself reading about 19th century food poisoning deaths.

Norfolk Punch. 

Punch Recipes

Easy, but very tasty punch recipes:

4 gallons Rum
3 gallons Orange Juice
1/2 gallon Whole Milk
12 Egg Whites
6 gallons Water
6 pounds Sugar
12 Oranges
12 Lemons
4 Cinnamon Sticks

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 3

Punch Recipes

Zest or carefully peel the oranges and lemons. Let all that citrus peel steep in your rum for 24 hours. Meanwhile, juice the oranges and lemons and store that in a separate container. The next day, mix your egg whites until they’re frothy and add them to the water. Bring that to a boil and mix in the sugar and cinnamon sticks. Keep stirring until the sugar melts. By now, you should have a little froth rising to the top. Skim off as much as you can.

Once you get bored with skimming scum, let your mixture cool to room temperature. Fish out the cinnamon sticks then add the rum, orange juice, and the juice of the 12 lemons. Stir well. Now add the milk. Pour your concoction into a tightly sealed container and leave it somewhere cool and dark for the next two months.

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 4

Punch Recipes

Two months later, strain the punch through four layers of cheesecloth or a flannel shirt. You can drink it down or now bottle the result in order to preserve the flavor of the Duke of Norfolk’s homestyle brew.

Windsor Rock Punch. 

Punch Recipes

Easy, but very tasty punch recipes:

4 cups Heavy Cream
2 cups of liquid from canned Maraschino Cherries
1 cup Kirsch
1 cup Clear Rum
1 cup Sugar
12 Eggs

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 5

Punch Recipes

Yes, this punch was indeed created to be served to the Windsor family. Ice cream was an expensive and impressive novelty in the 19th century. Today, it’s a staple of timed cooking shows. Only you can judge the connection.

Bring the cream to a simmer. Whisk in the sugar and eggs. Don’t bring it to a hard boil – for once, you don’t want to risk cooking the eggs or curdling the milk. When your mix has simmered cheerfully for 10 minutes, put it in an ice cream maker. When the ice cream is still a little runny, remove half of it from the mixer and add the Maraschino cherry liquid, kirsch and rum. Mix well. It should be a little slushy. Go ahead and finish freezing the rest of the ice cream until rock hard.

Simple Punch Recipes - photo 6

Punch Recipes

To serve, neatly fill a martini or round champagne glass 2/3 full of alcoholic slush then use a large melon baller to add a neat scoop of the plain ice cream to the middle. If it’s good enough for the, it’s good enough for your guests.

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