Sunday, 17 Jan 2021

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

How to grow Dick
Relationship with Yourself
- A man with a seven-inch (18 cm) penis may proudly compare his organ to the average man’s five to six inches (12-15 cm) but be intimidated when learning another wields an eight-inch (20 cm) rod.

Leaving Loneliness: A Workbook: Building Relationships with Yourself and Others”

by David S. Narang Ph.D

An Ongoing Checklist about Your Relationship with Yourself

This checklist will help you evaluate the extent to which you are securely attached to yourself and are giving yourself the care and attention you must have to maintain good relationship with yourself and others. Consider it a maintenance checkup to help you troubleshoot. Scan this activity to see if it looks useful for you, and if so, consider repeating it monthly, scheduling a reminder, before continuing on. 

1) Relationship with Yourself. How well are you doing at seeking love from others by being merely yourself versus being sick/wounded to elicit “help” or by being solely a “tool” to help them? If poorly, how will you improve in this area?

2) Relationship with Yourself. How well are you doing in working to meet the needs of both others and yourself in your relationships with them? Is there a way you need to improve in this area?

3) Relationship with Yourself. How well are you doing at taking care of your ongoing bodily needs (e.g., sleep, meals, some exercise, sex, etc.)? Are any improvements needed?

4) Relationship with Yourself. Are you noticing any medical problems while they are mild or moderate, and then doing something about them before you become medically unhealthy?

5) Relationship with Yourself. How are you doing in taking care of your emotional health (e.g., avoiding unnecessary escalation of emotionality in conflicts, actively approaching versus avoiding important relationships (relationship with yourself), ending toxic/abusive relationships, doing things you find fulfilling)?

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Relationship with Yourself

6) Relationship with Yourself. Are you noticing and caring for your emotional health before reaching the point that you are extremely distressed?

7) Relationship with Yourself. How are you doing at being strong, by recognizing that you have something to give to others and being able to give it? If you are giving, what is it that you are giving?

8) Relationship with Yourself. When you need support, how are you doing at asking for and receiving it? To be specific, what kind of support have you asked for and received recently?

9) Relationship with Yourself. What are you doing that you find extremely satisfying? If nothing, what should you now begin or resume doing?

Relationship with Yourself. Becoming Free

Thanks to your work in earlier sections (you must walk before you can fly), you may be ready to begin the practice of transcending attachment. In contrast, when you are feeling anxious, tense, or sad, you need to focus on your needs and on seeking a higher level of security with yourself and others in healthy ways. This has been the focus of this workbook. You will need to return to that work at times, especially when you are highly stressedHowever, by now you are building habits that are likely to reduce your ongoing insecurity, so now it may be possible during less stressful times to consider what lies beyond building security. When you are aware of and are actively caring for yourself, and when you are not anxiously preoccupied with how your relationships are going, you become lighter and freer.

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Relationship with Yourself

Relationship with Yourself. To do this activity, adapted from the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, you will need to remember the instructions below (this is one reason that the instructions are very brief) and move to an area where you literally can see the sky. The purpose of this activity is to remind you that you are free and can relax at any time. Instructions (read them before beginning the experience): Take off your shoes, and feel your feet firmly on the ground. Press into the ground. Feel the solidness beneath you. Just for now, release your past down into the earth. Pause a few moments here. Next, look up at the sky and notice how vast it is. Release your future into the sky. Then just be here and experience being present here in the wide open sky, bringing your mind back here if it drifts, until you have had your fill of the experience.

Relationship with Yourself. Without any past or future, you are present. Let any sensory experiences and thoughts register and then pass right through you without analysis. Afterward: In potent succinctness, describe the experience you had. When you are present, you are free. You may experience pain, pleasure, interest, curiosity, jealousy, visual/tactile/auditory stimulation, et cetera. That part is pure and true. It is the analysis of the experience that drags you out of the present moment. One spiritual master refers to the pure experience of what is as “dot”10—a singular, unanalyzed pure moment of experience. Practice dot experiences, being now. While not possible all the time, remind yourself to have dot experiences throughout the day, when your mind has drifted too far from present experience.

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Relationship with Yourself

Relationship with Yourself. No Compromise Decisions

When you are moving to security and beyond, you make decisions that truly reflect the self. Significant decisions are then not based on momentary needs or emotions, but rather on who you are. For example, if you are unhappy in a relationship or otherwise feeling dissatisfied, you might get generally grabby. Give me more sex. Give me your willingness to do errands for me. Give me this or that. When getting a car, “Yes, this will make me feel good, I’ll take this one.” Then later you realize you have chosen a car that is too expensive, too cheap, does not carry as many people as you need to carry, or does not have the convertible top you wanted, et cetera.

When we are unhappy and rarely in the present, we are more likely to be materialists. We grab for things as if they were drugs we need to make us feel better. We grab in panic for something outside, instead of working with the pain within. Thus, grabbing usually fails to adequately meet the internal need to regulate our mood for more than a moment, and since we are so ungrounded while grabbing, we also grab for things that do not even correctly meet our material needs. When you are moving to security and beyond, you do not need anything from the car except simply for it to be the car you want, and so you make the choice while connected to yourself, not choosing in a panicked or needy state. You then get the car you truly want, which ironically is much more satisfying, even though you were not in such need for it to bring satisfaction.

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Relationship with Yourself

Relationship with Yourself. A secure state lets you stand back and listen to yourself. Then you pursue the right experiences, things, and people. “This partner would suit me, her values are similar to mine, and she is sexy. I’ll go after her to find out more about her and try to convince her of my charms.” As an additional example, “The right pair of shoes is not here, so I will not buy any here, but I will go someplace else another day.” What this means is that because you need less from anything you seek, you seek it with more flow, more precision. This is because you seek it merely to fit you instead of to fulfill you. “No compromise decisions” means that you make decisions not out of grabbing at something for happiness, but because the decision fits who you are. Who you are is thus completely included in the decision, instead of compromising yourself in a desperate grab for happiness.

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2 thoughts on “Ways to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

  1. Healthy relationship with yourself is one of the most important things in the life of each person. And it is absolutely true that without harmonious relations with yourself it is impossible to build good relations with people around you.

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