The Intricate Female Anatomy. Female Orgasm
Different parts of female anatomy
Different parts of female anatomy can provide different kinds of orgasms, and each kind feels different. Since a woman’s pleasure anatomy is complex, with many different parts, it pays to know where the opportunities are and what to zone in on.
A woman’s genitals consist of three areas: the vulva includes all of the external female sex organ, the mons veneris—a pad of fatty tissue over the pubic bone, usually covered with hair—the outer and inner labia, and the hooded glans of the clitoris; the vulva also includes the area known as the vestibule, which consists of the area inside the inner labia and around the introitus, or entrance to the vagina, and the opening to the urethra; and the internal area, which includes the vagina—a flattened tube that ends at the cervix (the neck of the womb)—and the inner structures of the clitoris. Sensitive touching, squeezing, pressing down on, or stroking any of the three areas can be pleasurable.
The clitoris has the densest supply of nerves in the human body and is the only organ with no other function than to give pleasure. The clitoris is a much larger organ than most people suppose; it is often thought of as merely a little pea at the top of the vaginal opening.
Female Anatomy. In fact, the clitoris is like a small penis with a shaft and a head, called the glans, that sticks out from under the hood. The shaft of the clitoris runs under the pubic bone. Emanating from either side of the glans like a wishbone are the two legs of the clitoris, or crura. The entire clitoris, laid out end to end, could be seven to eight inches long.
As a woman becomes aroused, blood rushes into the pelvic area, swelling and lubricating the vagina and causing the clitoris to become erect. At least three different nerves stimulate orgasm in female: the hypogastric nerves convey sensory activity from the uterus and the cervix to the spinal cord; the pelvic nerves bring sensory activity from the cervix and the vagina; and the pudendal nerves convey stimulation from the clitoris.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
Female Vaginal Orgasms and Penis Size
There is some controversy about vaginal orgasms versus clitoral orgasms. Most female who have orgasms have clitoral orgasms, and Masters and Johnson believed that all female orgasms were clitoral, even when an orgasm is experienced as coming from the inside of the vagina during penetration.
Female who do have vaginal orgasms say, “No way!” Some of these female identify their vaginal orgasms as originating at the G spot, a sensitive area along the front wall of the vagina. Others say they feel it coming from the cervix or the back wall of the vagina. Wherever it’s coming from, a vaginal orgasm feels very different from a clitoral one.
Female Anatomy. One big difference is that after a clitoral orgasm, there’s often a refractory period, much like what a man has, during which time the clitoris can feel too sensitive to touch. Yet at that point the vagina can still feel primed for action.
With penetration (whether with a penis, a dildo, or a finger) and slow, deep pushing and grinding movements, some female may be able to have a series of orgasms. Deep thrusting also works for some female. As long as sensitive stimulation is maintained, she may continue to have waves of orgasms until she’s exhausted—or her lover is.
Female who have vaginal orgasms may also find that they experience female ejaculation, a gush of fluid from the vagina that accompanies orgasmic contractions. Secreting copious amounts of fluid can be embarrassing for female if they think they’ve lost bladder control. But according to sex researchers Milan Zaviacic and Beverly Whipple, female ejaculate whose chemical composition has been tested in a laboratory has typically shown not urine but something more akin to the fluid found in the male prostate.
Female who gush are hot female. And that’s nothing anyone has to apologize for—not in this millennium.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
The Elusive Female Orgasm
Female Anatomy. By adulthood, most female have downloaded into their brains and nervous systems centuries of female sexual repression. It’s a process that automatically bestows a patina of shame over their female anatomy and an array of misconceptions and anxieties about sex. Until very recently, female were led to believe that a man, through his wink-wink experience, knew more about her body than she did.
Lena is the woman who was contemplating having an affair with a coworker whom she had endowed with special powers to bring her to orgasm. She was appalled at the thought of having her first orgasm with her husband, Al.
Lena loved Al—he was a good provider and a good father to their two girls—but he wasn’t sexy to her. At night when they went to bed, Al would sometimes roll toward her and start to caress her. Usually she’d give him a quick-and-final goodnight kiss and roll away. Sometimes, if he persisted and didn’t try to kiss her, she would feel sorry for him and allow him to enter her vagina from behind and get himself off.
I told Lena that offering herself to be used as a vessel for Al was not doing her or Al any favors. I wondered how their sex life had come to this.
Lena’s history shed some light on what was going on. Her parents divorced when she was twelve, and she lived with her mother and her sister, who was three years younger. She was very critical of her mother’s dating other men soon after the divorce, and she was especially disgusted at her mother when her future stepfather began to sleep over and she could hear the two of them having sex.
Lena was particularly offended at how oblivious her mother was about her “noises.” She seemed totally insensitive to the effect her moaning would have on Lena and her little sister and how disrespectful it was toward their father, who never got back on his feet after their divorce.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
Female Anatomy. As Lena got into breathing into her belly and scanning her body on the inside, feeling for tension, she became aware of holding tension in her vagina. She traced this tension pattern back to when she would lie in bed at night hearing her mother make love and feeling disgusted with her. She went through a gamut of emotions in that bed: disgust, anger, pity for her father, and concern for her sister. I told her, hoping she wouldn’t take offense, that sometimes hearing people make love can stimulate sexual feelings in a young girl. She said the thought nauseated her.
Lena bemoaned the fact that she could not bring herself to orgasm. All of her girlfriends were capable of masturbating to orgasm and bragged about having multiple orgasms with the men in their lives. Why couldn’t she? When I asked her how she masturbated, she told me she used a vibrator, sometimes until she got numb. It felt good—at least, at first—but nothing major ever happened.
We did some process work on Lena’s body-held feelings toward her mother and father and how that was connected to keeping her husband at a distance. In the meantime, I gave Lena two exercises for homework. The first was to put aside her vibrator for a while and to practice masturbating with her hands. I gave her some instruction on how to do that. The second was to exercise the genital muscle known as the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle by tensing and relaxing it a few times a day.
Lena practiced her exercises and masturbated for a week, still occasionally feeling almost there but never quite making it. In her next session, when I asked her what it felt like to almost be there, she said, “It feels like I have to pee.”
“What do you do then?” I asked.
She said, “I get up and pee. By the time I get back, the feeling’s gone.
” Aha! I told Lena that it’s not uncommon for a woman to confuse the sensation of orgasm with the need to urinate. I suggested for the next week that she pee before she masturbates, then put an absorbent towel under her bottom. When she gets the feeling of the need to pee, I told her, she should let herself pee.
“In bed?” she screamed, shocked but with a smile.
“Go ahead,” I told her. “You’re worth it.”
Something in that thought struck her funny bone. Lena started to laugh so hard I thought she might pee on my couch. Female Anatomy.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
A week later, there was success at last! Lena finally had her orgasm. How did she do it? She masturbated slowly and breathed. She consciously tensed and relaxed her vaginal muscles. When she came to the point at which she felt the need to urinate, she could feel her vaginal muscles start to close up. This time, however, she breathed into the feeling and had her first earth-rocking orgasm.
No question about it, it was the real thing. To Lena’s surprise, she peed only a little. I told her that the next time she probably wouldn’t pee at all—but so what if she did? Female Anatomy.
Between her success in having an orgasm and her recognition that she had transferred her pity for her father to her husband, Lena was able to consider being more available for sex with Al. To her surprise, only a few weeks after her first orgasm by herself, Lena had her first orgasm in face-to-face sex with her husband.
Kegel Exercises for Female and Men.
Female Anatomy. The exercises I recommended to Lena for contracting and relaxing the PC muscle, and that I recommend to all the men and female who have difficulty with orgasm, are commonly known as the Kegels. Named for Dr. Arnold Kegel, a California gynecologist who developed them in the 1940s as a method for controlling incontinence in female after childbirth, they have been found to have a host of other benefits for both female and men.
The PC muscle, present in both sexes, is shaped like a hammock and stretches along the pelvic floor from the pubic bone to the tailbone, or coccyx. It controls the flow of urine and is activated during orgasmic contractions. One way to find your PC muscle is to stop the flow of urine while you are peeing.
For female, the Kegels are recommended for bladder control, as an aid to vaginal tone, and for achieving fuller and more consistent orgasms. For men, practicing the Kegels aids bladder control and also helps in achieving more consistent and stronger erections and control over early ejaculation. Strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor can also help a man to learn to orgasm without ejaculation, potentially enabling him to achieve multiple orgasms during sexual activity.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
Female Anatomy. To do the Kegels, inhale deeply, squeeze and hold your PC muscle, and count to three. Then let everything go: exhale as you release the squeezed muscles. Feel them opening; breathe and relax. Then do it again. You may be able to squeeze and hold up to a count of five or more.
Another helpful exercise is to simply pulse your genital muscles, tensing and relaxing quickly, to a count of ten. The nice thing about pulsing your PC muscle this way is that you can practice doing it anywhere, because no one knows you’re exercising. You can do it while waiting in line at the supermarket or riding an elevator to the top floor.
Vaginal Pain: Vulvadynia, Vulvar Vestibulitis, and Vaginismus.
The Kegel exercises can also be an important part of the treatment for female who suffer from any condition that results in painful intercourse or in a vaginal spasm that may make penetration, even with a finger or a Q-tip, impossible. The pain has often been described as a burning or stinging sensation that may also fl are up during physical exercise or normal daily activities. There are many possible causes of these conditions, and it’s very likely to result from an interaction between several factors, both psychological and physiological. As a result, treating these conditions entails a multilevel approach that begins with a gynecological exam to check for infections that may be treatable with medication. When there’s no evidence of infection, effective treatment may involve psychotherapy to explore underlying feelings about sex, sex therapy, changes in diet, and some solitary genital exercises that include breath awareness and gentle Kegels.
An understanding, patient, noncomplaining partner can be enormously helpful, especially one who is willing to follow directions and do very light empathic touching and breathing exercises in sync with the partner in distress. Naturally, as long as the pain persists, female with these conditions should not have intercourse. Your Sexual History As we have seen, your earliest experiences with your sexual body, both pleasant and unpleasant—and the emotions that accompanied those events—can have long-term consequences. We can get stuck in certain emotions and then stick with tried-and-true pleasures that work, but the lack of growth can be stifling. Sexual evolution in the context of a loving relationship involves coming to terms with the pain of the past and the disappointments of the present and broadening loving sexual pleasures.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
Female Anatomy. It involves recognizing and coming to terms with any unresolved feelings about yourself as a sexual being. Naturally, it takes time to process the emotions and replace old habits and reflexes with loving and playful choices. Think of it as building new sensory-neural pathways. It’s certainly a worthwhile endeavor, however long it takes. The philosopher George Santayana is often quoted as saying, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Santayana was known as a pragmatist who placed a high social value on human happiness. Learning from our past frees us to reinvent ourselves in a way that supports personal well-being and happy relationships. Each of us has a past that has shaped his or her body and that promotes fulfillment or blocks it in some ways. In the same way that we have looked at family history to learn about our patterns of attachments and enhance how we love, we also need to study and accept our sexual histories to move forward and expand ourselves sexually.
Step six offers you an opportunity to study how your sexual history is influencing your sexual present. Step Six: The Sexual History Profile Objectives: To explore early emotional influences on your sexual arousal and to understand and appreciate your sexual self This profile is designed to make it easier for you to take your own history without bias and to see yourself in a new light. It may take a while to get through it—probably more than one sitting—and you are likely to find that all sorts of feelings arise as you recall past events. Copy this grid to a notebook or to your personal computer (if your privacy is completely secure) so that you have plenty of space to fill in the blanks. Once you have your history in print, you may want to share it with someone else. If you are in an intimate relationship, it would be valuable for each of you to do the profile separately. Then you can share with each other some selected discoveries and insights.
As always, begin this exercise in a private place where you are unlikely to be disturbed. Begin with some basic embodiment exercises: do a few complete breaths, deep sighs, and a felt sense inventory; stretch, relax, get into your body. Then take a few mindful minutes and come to a place of presence and focused attention. This is essentially an exercise in memory, including both mental imagery and emotional awareness. You want to see what images spontaneously arise and the feelings that accompany them as you recall these periods of your life. Be aware of any buildup of tension in your face, throat, chest, diaphragm, belly, genitals, thighs, rectum, and butt.
Female Anatomy. Event. Take each of the age blocks, one at a time and starting at the top, and in this column write down any sensual or sexual memories that pop up in your mind’s eye—whether they were wanted or unwanted. Just give it a quick title, like: “tore pants,” “touched Jackie,” or “played doctor.”
Emotions. For each event, see if you can recall the emotions you felt at the time. This is not how you feel about it now, but how you felt about it then. You might write happy, scared, excited, or ashamed—whatever was true for you as you remember it.
The Intricate Female Anatomy
Rating. In the next column, rate each emotional event as you felt it then on a five-point scale: positive (5); mostly positive (4); don’t know (3); mostly negative (2); negative (1). Present emotions. In the last column, note the feelings that come up for you now as you recall these singular events. What unfinished business do you have? Can you complete it on your own through your own awareness, self-acceptance, and compassion, or would you do well to talk it through with someone, like your partner, a friend, or a therapist? Include in the appropriate age category the first time you did the following:
- Felt genital sensations
- Engaged in genital self-touching
- Learned about sex
- Engaged in childhood sex play with a playmate
- Had a crush
- Made out
- Fell in love
- Had an orgasm
- Had intercourse
- Experienced sexual disappointment
- Experienced unwanted sexual touching
- Experienced sexual trauma
Female Anatomy. Had an outstandingly wonderful experience Pay particular attention to the “Rating” column. A lot of 1’s and 2’s suggest that it would be helpful to go over some of these early experiences and see how you can make sense of them in a way that derives value from them. Also pay attention to the “Present Emotions” column. See which memories still have the power to arouse emotions and where in your body you feel these emotions. Pleasant emotions are energizing; unpleasant emotions create tension. Tension and holding in the area of the diaphragm and belly are often signs of guilt. Tension and holding in the genitals, rectum, thighs, and butt are often signs of shame. Most of us have been raised to feel guilty for youthful sex play and to be ashamed of our sexual anatomy and desires. See what’s true for you. If some emotion arises while either you or your partner are doing the profile, take some time to hold each other, breathe together, and give each other some love.
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Stella Resnick, PHDA Four-Inch-Long Penis Is More Than Adequate